Friday, October 04, 2013

Mr. Holier Than Thunderbolt Catholic versus Mrs. Barest Minimum Catholic

From where I sit, the online bickering between opinionated Catholics looks like a juicy scene straight out of divorce court. Care to see the eye view from a lawyer’s imagination?  (Note: All characters are fictional.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)

The first party, Mr. ‘Holier than Thunderbolt Catholic’ thinks of everything in terms of “shoulds” and “oughts.”  He sounds like a regular mandamus petition:

“I don’t care if you’re pope, but anyone who attends a Mass with Liturgical abuses/wears a skirt above the ankle/ is Charismatic/ lets her children reads Harry Potter/ get vaccines/doesn’t breastfeed/ doesn’t spank her children {insert more} is an evil sinner or heretic who will be struck down by thunderbolts and doomed to eternal damnation!” Points finger for emphasis. May pound judge’s gavel if carried away.

 The opposing party, Mrs. ‘Barest Minimum Catholic’, likes to go surfing by what the Church requires as the foundation for her faith life. The defense brief is:

Duuude, I’m not required by Canon law to vote for the other party/abstain on non-Lent Fridays/go to Confession more than once a year/veil at Mass/attend Latin Mass/receive Communion on the tongue/believe in private revelation/pray the rosary/use sacramentals/listen to St. Pio/have a dozen children/ homeschool my children {insert more}. You can’t make me ride your mondo zealotry wave. It’s all rippin’ good in the comfort zone of my board.” Cross arms over chest, flash ‘hang loose’ sign.

          To wade knee deep into controversy, read the rest at Catholic Stand.



mommynovenas said...

Dear Anabelle, I am laughing so hard I can't stop! This is great. I have seen both sides of this conversation. And, I must admit, though sheepishly, that in my six decades of life, I've more than likely been both of the "conversants". I am grateful for the infinite and unconditional mercy of our Blessed Lord Jesus. He must have a sense of humor too! God bless you Anabelle. I love your writing. It's awesome!

Anabelle Hazard said...

Thank you for your compliment. I sure hope God has a sense of humor too cause I might be in for some thunderbolts. God bless you!